March 21, 2012

Just the FAQ's sir......just the FAQ's

So there are a group of questions that repeatedly come up at the box and I wanted to save everyone some time and trouble by answering them for you in advance.

  • Is it a Full Squat Clean/Snatch or a Power Clean/Snatch? This is the most over-asked question I hear. If the whiteboard says anything other than POWER on it, you better get your happy ass close to the floor. None of that knees barely bent shit either. All the way down like you are taking a crap. Don't worry, If you get that low your face will also look like you are crapping....
  • Can we use the rack for the front squat? Here's the deal. If you are doing strength training then rack away. If it is a timed WOD, then you better clean that thing up to your shoulders and get to squatting, otherwise you may very likely get a donkey punch from the CFD police....
  • How did that (insert move here) look? If you have to ask, it was probably crappy. If you would simply look at Regina's face before you ask this ridiculous question, you would already know the answer.  Besides, if it looks good you will get a rave review such as "That's not the most horrible lift I have ever seen" or "That wasn't half shitty."
  • Can I substitute a move instead of the one on the board? If you are going to ask this question please get me before you ask because it is worth the price of admission to hear the answers. Also you better have some sort of doctor confirmed injury or you may leave with one after asking this....
  • Why am I not improving? It is probably one of three things.....
  1. You have a shitty diet OR you don't show up often enough
  2. You have a shitty diet AND you don't show up enough
  3. You suck at life and should take up the Stairmaster............. (To hang your clothes from) Exercise isn't for you.
  • Is this for time? Putting aside the fact that the huge, red digital timer on the wall should have been your first clue professor, it says on the white board "FOR TIME" next to how many rounds you will be doing. If you ask this question I can only assume that CFD has arranged to have a short bus pick you up and drop you off to class. Wear your helmet so I will know next time....
  • How long should this take? It takes as long as it takes. This is as bad as the question above. Put on your helmet and STFU.....
  • How can I get better at (Double Unders, HSPU, etc...)? Do you really think you are going to get any answer other than "Practice" chowderhead? Wait, you might actually get a "WTF?" as well but that's the best you will get from that question....
  • What's wrong with my (Push-ups, Pull-ups, etc...)? They suck, work on them, and quit asking or you are going to get fisted.
and the Grandaddy of all CFD questions........
  • Where's Travis? He is at the place where it is not my day to keep track of him. I know where he isn't. He isn't sitting somewhere asking "Where is that dude that can do 3 band assisted pull-ups." Mind your own F-ing business.....
I hope this helps you "newbies" and makes your transition to "Eliteness" possible.....






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