March 22, 2012

Sh*t my Crossfit trainer says...

At Crossfit Distinction we are very fortunate to have 2 of the best Owners/Trainers available in the Crossfit community. They allow no shortcuts, hold us accountable and are there for us constantly. They are also like night and day when it comes to personality traits. If you do something "questionable" (i.e. stupid) in front of Travis, he will usually correct you with an odd look or simply give you instruction and set you on your way. I believe you would have to be doing back squats over a rusty nail for him to yell. Regina on the other hand LOVES to give instruction. She also says whatever comes to mind at the time without regard to collateral damage. That's why we love her. Over time, I have compiled a list of special "Regina-isms" that she has either said to me directly or I have heard her say in the gym. Here they are in no particular order....

"What do you mean you hate burpees? I came out of my mothers p*ssy doing burpees"

"Your split jerk hurt my feelings..."

"I want there to be so much sweat on the floor when you are done it looks like an abortion on the floor...."

"What's a box jump? What kind of question is that? It's a box and you fucking jump on it."

"That wasn't the most horrible lift I have ever seen..."

"I can always tell who is going to make it. I mean look at you. Your intro WOD was fucking ridiculous but I knew you would make it. I can just tell...."

"I don't wear Lululemon yoga pants cause I don't have a FUPA and they are itchy..."

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

"What the fuck is wrong with those push-ups? You look like you are humping the floor. You better figure that shit out before you get a girlfriend or get remarried...."

"I'm not fucking Asian. Filipinos are not Asian. Now apologize..."

"This workout is not a buffet. You can't just pick whatever the fuck you want to do..."

"You should choose a challenging weight but not so challenging that it will cause you to puke or shit your pants..."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings BUT that fucking sucked. Now do it again...."

"Bruce. Take your tampon out before you do this WOD…"

"Your pull-ups look like a Peeping Tom..."

"(Eyeroll) Don't even talk to me right now..."

"You're a douche wannabe..."

"You guys better get your shit together. The CFD police are handing out tickets..."

"Who does that? Honestly?"

"Stay on the Premises..."

"Whatever, I'm done with it...."

"Don't cheer. He already knows how to do that shit...."

"What the fuck are you wearing? We need to get you a girlfriend..."

"Bring your feet a little closer on those push-ups. Why are they so fucking wide?! Are you about  to deliver a baby?"

"Why are you looking up? God can't save you now."

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