August 18, 2013

Church for a CrossFitter

So I went to church today. No, seriously. I went to church. It's all part of my training. I figure if Rich Froning is the fittest man alive thanks to Jesus, maybe if I start going on a regular basis I can be the fittest guy sitting on that pew. That's assuming everyone on the pew besides me is over 60 and even then it will be a miracle...

Speaking of Rich, he has that bible verse tattoo'd under his arm so I'm thinking I may need to do the same. I've found a couple that I thought might be appropriate.

Proverbs 27:15  - A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.

Proverbs 21:19 - It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby complaining wife. 

Can you tell I'm divorced? I'll keep thinking about it but I'll probably let the tat thing go. Regardless, the church thing was fun today. The pastor is a CrossFitter. I don't really know him but he follows me on Twitter so he obviously has excellent taste. The sermon was uplifting and I liked the vibe or "spirit" if you will. I will say however that as a CrossFitter I expected a little more pizazz. Here are my suggestions to liven up services next time.

1. Every time someone says "Amen" you have to do a burpee.
2. Instead of ending services with "You are dismissed", end them with "Time!"
3. Bacon. It really doesn't matter what you do with it but bacon makes everything better. 
4. Refer to the pre-service worship music as "Warm-up time"
5. As worshipers are leaving, have the ushers and deacons give out "fist bumps" and say "Nice work!"

I have a few other ideas but I don't want to tempt a lighting strike so I'll hold off on those until I get to a few more services. I did learn something important today. Doubt is not an absence of faith. Think about that for a while....


  1. Not all women are bad. I thought that about men after my divorce. Your suggestions would definitely liven up Sunday service! lol

  2. Yeah. I dont think they are bad but it doesnt stop me from a little fun at their expense. Thanks for reading!