Thursday, December 26, 2013

2014 New Years Resolutions


So it is that time of year again when everybody who went on a gluttonous binge over the holiday season decides to get in shape. It always brings in new members to the gym and I thought this year I could have some fun with it. What I want to do is get a couple of buddies and go watch the intro WODs of the new members each Saturday. We will make them wear numbers and then place bets on who finishes first, pukes, quits, etc… We'll see if ownership goes for it…

So last year I made this list of New Years Resolutions. I totally didn't keep #3, 7 or 10.
  1. No napping on the gym floor immediately following a WOD...
  2. I will quit blaming my Deadlift farts on the guy or girl next to me...
  3. I will not ask any women "How's your snatch?" outside of the gym...
  4. Whenever I meet someone named Fran, I will not immediately shout "ASSHOLE!"
  5. I will no longer mix my recovery drink with Bailey's regardless of how yummy it is...
  6. My running will not be limited to escaping the grasp of a jealous boyfriend...
  7. I will not spend more time with bacon than I do with my kids...
  8. I will quit setting my box up behind the girl with the best ass during box jumps. The same goes for double unders & big boobs...
  9. I will not use the term "Feel the Burn" in reference to working out or peeing...
  10. I will quit referring to masturbating as an AMRAP of jerks..

I need to add a few this year.
  1. I will quit calling "non-paleo" foods Paleo to make myself feel better. Side note, that Paleo cheesy bread is awesome…
  2. Now that I'm stronger, doing sit-ups will no longer be an acceptable sub for deadlifts…
  3. I will run at my fastest, most efficient pace at all times, not at the pace of the girl in booty shorts ahead of me…
  4. I will no longer fake a limp to have an excuse to run slower (see #3)
  5. Whenever I finish first in a WOD I will act like i've been there before and not shout "TIME" as loud as humanly possible. The same goes for sex…
Best of luck to all of you in 2014, whatever your resolutions may be…

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