June 28, 2014

2014 CrossFit Games WOD Ideas

So the 2014 CrossFit Games are upon us and I was thinking how hard it must be for all the male athletes that are currently training for what they know will amount to second place. I wouldn’t put myself in the “fan” category but Rich Froning is definitely the man to beat. It really is crazy when you think about it. They keep changing the events and he just keeps winning. He makes it look so easy you would think the WODs are “Chest Waxing and Tanning” for time. Not to be a bad sport here but I’m hoping that he loses. Truthfully there is a part of me that not only wants him to lose but I want him to lose to a Buddhist. I want to hear the post WOD interview and have the winner say: 

“Well Rory. I’d just like to thank Buddha for helping me thru that last set of Overhead Squats. I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it but I just focused my inner child on rubbing that little belly of his and I was off to enlightenment. Ommmmmmmmmmmm……”

Sorry if I offended any Buddhists out there. I was gonna go with a Muhammad joke but I don’t like going into hiding for years on end waiting for the fatwa to end…Blashphamy aside, what will it take to knock Rich off? I have a few ideas of some WODs they could add that could even the playing field for the rest of the athletes. 

1. AMRAP of taking the Lord’s name in vain: This would actually knock out a few athletes and I think move Lucas Parker up in the rankings at the same time. He’s Canadian. They are all heathens. FACT!

2. Midget Toss: Again I think Rich’s moral compass wouldn’t allow it and he’d have to bow out. On a side note, Chris Spealler would win this event hands down and whoever threw him would come in second…

3. Boner Deadlifts: I know Matt Chan didn’t make the Games this year but this would’ve been his event. Maybe we can sub “Handstand Boner Walks”… 

Special thanks to @badcrossfitter for this pic. I sorted thru a LOT of bad sh*t on Google for this joke…

4. Complete a WOD with a shirt on: This pretty much eliminates all athletes except Lucas Parker who wins by default since his body hair counts as a sweater..

5. The Double Banger: Now I know they had this event a couple of years ago but in an odd twist make it a co-ed event and have them change the name to “The Devil’s Threeway”. There is NO WAY Rich even show’s up to find out what it is…

Now I realize I don’t have a Level One in CrossFit but I have a Level 10,000 in imagination and these WODs would spice things up. I mean it’s no Softball Toss but we can’t all be Castro can we….

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