August 20, 2017

2018 CrossFit Games WOD Ideas

So the 2017 CrossFit Games are over and CrossFitters all over the world are going into a post games depression while they wait until next years Open to start. Someone really should make an Anti-Depressant Whey Protein Shake to get us all through it. Get on it Progenex...

I thought the Games this year were a lot of fun to watch but a couple of the events confused me. As I think back over it, I’m still not sure about that “Cyclocross" event or the “Double Banger”. I’m never a fan of an event that requires equipment (like a bike) that can fail and cost someone points. With that being said the real hero of the games was the company that provided all those XXL helmets. Bravo to you gentleman. Bravo...

In regards to the “Double Banger” this was a repeat event which I know is important to retest however lets make it more interesting. Make it co-ed, call it the “Devil’s Threeway” and see how many athletes have to withdraw due to religious and spousal concerns. Unknown and unknowable indeed...

For the second year in a row, Mat Fraser proved the man to beat. I wouldn’t put myself in the “fan” category of Mat but he seems like the anti-Rich Froning which makes everything more interesting. I’m sure CBS was a little nervous every time he got interviewed. I truly expected that any time he won an event, the post WOD interview would sound like this:

“Well Rory. I’d just like to thank Satan for helping me thru that last set of Overhead Squats. I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it but I just said a quick “Hail Beelzebub” in thanks for this awesome chest hair and he helped me power through...”

Now I know I shouldn’t imply that Mat Fraser is a Satanist and I’m sorry if I offended any Satanists. I can’t help myself really but between that beard and grin he looks a little devilish. Satanism aside, the real question in all of this is what will it take to knock Mat off the top of the podium? I have a few ideas of some WODs they could add that could even the playing field for the rest of the athletes.

1. Body hair waxing for time: This would immediately put Mat at a disadvantage. This dude has more hair than an 80’s rock band...




2. Midget Toss: This would not be Mat’s event. You don’t get points for being the one getting thrown...

3. Boner Deadlifts: I know Matt Chan didn’t make the Games this year but this would’ve been his event. Maybe we can sub “Handstand Boner Walks”… 

Special thanks to @badcrossfitter for this pic. I sorted thru a LOT of bad sh*t on Google for this joke…

4. Complete a WOD with a shirt on: I added this for parity. This pretty much eliminates all athletes except Lucas Parker and Mat Frasier. They would tie and split the points since their body hair counts as a sweater...

5. Bathing for time: I’m not saying Mat’s dirty. Ok...that’s exactly what I’m saying but it wouldn’t matter cause I’d be tuned into the women’s events. Every. Single. Heat. 

I don’t know if those WODs would help but it would be a good start. I also realize I don’t have a Level One in CrossFit but I have a Level 10,000 in imagination and these WODs would spice things up. I mean it’s no Softball Toss but we can’t all be Castro can we….



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