Sunday, June 8, 2014

CrossFit Selfies



This whole  “Take my picture while I CrossFit” thing is becoming too much. I keep seeing pictures of people doing CrossFit that were obviously staged and they freak me out a little. I get it. You’re a bad ass and can do handstands or legless rope climbs while most of your friends sit at home and watch TV. You want to show the world how cool you are. I understand. I really do. I’m just not sure I want the world seeing ME doing a handstand or climbing a rope. It certainly isn’t my best look and there is waaaaaay too much room for error. Climbing a rope and asking someone to take a pic or video is just asking to be on Youtube when you fail. Also I’m alway wary of the angle that pic has to be taken from. One minute you’re going “Wow. That looks cool. I was really high up there.” The next minute you are saying “Are those my balls hanging out?”  Who wants that to happen? I’m sure there is some rope climbing, ball fetish out there but I really don’t want to be a part of it….

Regardless most of these “CrossFit Selfies” and falling into certain categories and I thought I would define them for you to make them easier to spot in the future.


“The Post WOD Pass out”

For some reason CrossFitters find joy in pictures of themselves rolling around on the floor gasping for air like an asthmatic fat kid who just chased down the ice cream truck only to find it empty. Trust me, nothing will impress your non-CrossFit friends less than a picture of you incapacitated after an eight minute AMRAP….


“The Bloody Mary”

"Hey everyone look. I ripped all the skin off my hands and contracted a staph infection doing kipping pull-ups that make me look like I’m humping my invisible friend.” Why, oh why do you insist on taking these pics? I do a lot of pull-ups. I get plenty of rips. I just don’t want the world to know how consistently I am a dumbass so I keep those pics to myself. You should too…

The "I’ll Overhead Squat Anything”

First of all this baby looks pissed. Second nothing good can come from this.
Best case scenario: You complete the movement. Congrats, you just one rep maxed 8lb, 6oz of chubby little poop filled diaper.
Worst case scenario: You fail the movement then you have to explain to Child Protective Services what “Ass to Grass” and “Below Parallel” mean. I don’t see that being fun….

Also don’t get me started on the bitchstorm you are going to be in if you drop the girlfriend….


“Dumb”


“Dumber”



“Dumbest”


“The Kiss”

I get it. It’s kind of sweet and I’ll give them both bonus points for not wearing lifting shoes. Also I think she’s lifting more weight than him. Totally not surprised….


“The Kiss revisited”

So you can do a free standing handstand and you have a hot GF? As if we all needed another reason to hate you shirtless guy….



“The Poop Face aka Who needs form?”

I’m not sure I want of photo of my elbows dislocating as it happens…



“The Wedding Photos”

I love seeing pictures of couples before the despair and resentment kicks in….



“Look at Me”

I’ll be honest. I fully support this message…



I hope this guide helps the next time you come across a crazy or unusual CrossFit picture. If any of you have any great CrossFit photos feel free to send them my way for future posting foolishness. In the meantime, I’ve put together this flowchart to help you decide when it is appropriate to take a Selfie while CrossFitting…


I’m CrossFitting. Should I take a Selfie?
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No




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7 comments:

  1. Nicely done! I've been subject matter in a couple of these selfie types. In my defense, most of the time it is in the name of blogging. Most of the time. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Wanna see me rip?

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    1. +1 on Chris.. it's all about the blog proof.. ;)

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  2. We’ve all been guilty of the CF Selfie pic. I have my fair share thats for sure…

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  3. This is one of the funniest Crossfit selfies post I've read in awhile. I'm definitely guilty of committing a few of the CF selfie crimes like "The Bloody Mary" and "The Post WOD Pass Out."

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  4. You and me both. I’m pretty sure I’ve committed them all at one point or another…

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  5. I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog, I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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    1. Thank you! I forget sometimes that people actually read this foolishness. I plan to start posting 1x a week. Im thinking every Sunday. Thanks againg for reading!

      JFW

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