April 6, 2018

Zodiac for CrossFit

ARIES (March 21 - April 19) You are super competitive and have high organizational skills which mean you log every single workout in Wodify but you score it 1-2 seconds quicker than you actually performed it. You can be found cheering on your fellow gym members at the end of a WOD. You have time at the end to do that because you cheated your reps.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) You are practical and grounded so you rarely spend money on the newest pair of Metcons or a dozen t-shirts that say “Rogue”. You still WOD in your running shoes and try to get the vet discount from the gym even though the closest you came to serving was the Cub Scouts. You are also a horny bastard and can likely be found setting your bar up for deadlifts behind the girl in the booty shorts.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 21) You LOVE partner WODs and want to be everyone’s best friend. You also don’t know how to STFU when the coach is talking and tend to cherrypick workouts.

CANCER (June 22 - July 22) Most likely to cry during or after a workout.

LEO (July 23 - August 22) You were born for this sh*t. Not only do you not wear a shirt in the gym, you probably are not wearing one now as you read this. You likely have at least two Crossfit related twitter handles, a blog, and drive people crazy with your need for attention.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22) You are analytical and detail oriented. You love to help others set up for the WOD and are the one who pulls the coach aside to ask for directions on handstand push-ups. The directions are implied in the name. Figure that sh*t out Virgo.

LIBRA (September 23 - October 22) You love having a friend to workout and compete with. Not only do you count all your own reps but you count everyone else’s as well. Mind your own business Libra. No one likes you.

SCORPIO (October 23- November 21) You are passionate and assertive and quite possibly the gym “Ho”.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21) You love change and constantly ask the coaches what tomorrows WOD is going to be before you have finished todays workout. You live for the CrossFit Open like it is your Super Bowl. You do all of the WODs 3-4x and monitor the leaderboard like a fat kid looking at an uncut cake.

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19) You love the traditional lifts and if you were allowed, would bench press every day. You also think gymnastics movements have no real value so you will never learn to muscle up because of it. You likely say “Bruh” a lot and carry a gallon jug of water with you everywhere you go.

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18) You’re the one that will be off in the corner by themselves warming up before the WOD. You’re also the one that has to pee as soon as the coach says “ten seconds!”.

PISCES (February 19 - March 20) You are the one always suggesting music choices and can often be found dancing or shouting “This is my jam!” mid-WOD. Pisces love to sleep and you can often be found laying on the floor after a WOD for longer than the workout actually lasted or taking quick “burpee naps” at the bottom of the movement.

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